Pregnancy and infant loss awareness month

Good Day everyone. October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. During this month, many mothers think about their losses and how they had to cope with them. I didn't understand the grief before, but as a mother who experienced a loss, I can surely say that I do now. You never forget the experience and for me, it will always stay with me. Our little one left us at 10 weeks on June 14th, 2019. I don't think anyone talks about the waiting process. The thoughts, the questions that are in the mind. Some of my thoughts were why would Yah allow to me get pregnant just to lose it? I wanted that baby, so why wasn't I allowed to have it? Or, what sin did I commit that this happened? I felt that this was a sick joke. Mind you my last pregnancy was with my second daughter in 2014. So it was 5 long years that I was barren. I couldn't understand it. I cried, I was angry with Yah because I thought he hated us and wanted us to suffer. Waiting to lose your baby is complete torture. So when it finally happened we were both numb. We named the baby Kidney because that's what we saw. A little kidney bean. Some believe that just because the child never saw sunlight the grief wouldn't be as bad. But no the grief in my opinion stays with you. I never received an answer on why we lost kidney, but through that last loss, our little prince was born. Do I still grieve that child? Of course, I do. I don't think anyone can forget a pregnancy and birth whether it's at 10 weeks or full term. So to all the parents who experienced a loss, I grieve with you. I do understand that the process can stay forever and that's okay. There is no time limit on grief. You will be okay. I don't know what happens to the soul of the miscarried, for they never experienced life. But who knows maybe one day our paths will cross somehow. 🌹

P.S. Our little one that we have lost. We loved you then and we love you now. We will never forget your short time spent with us. 🌹🌹